Feedback, Not Failure: What Your Dog Is Really Teaching You

Apr 4, 2025 | The Sniffly Post

Have you ever gone back to basics with your dog and thought, “We shouldn’t be here again”?
Maybe you’ve caught yourself saying, “But they know this!” or “We’ve already trained that!”
And then you feel… what? Frustrated? Disappointed? A little like you’ve failed?
Let’s pause right there.
Because what if it’s not failure at all?
What if it’s feedback?

NLP Says: Feedback, Not Failure

What’s NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) you might ask? You can ignore the fancy name. It’s really just about understanding how our thoughts, words, and actions all connect, and how we can change things that aren’t working for us. It helps us notice patterns in how we react, how we communicate, and how we show up (with ourselves, and with our dogs).
Put simply:
NLP helps us understand why we do what we do—and gives us tools to do things differently, in a way that feels better.
And in NLP we have a number of presuppositions, effectively, a useful assumption, something we choose to believe because it helps us see things differently and work more positively with ourselves and others.
Presuppositions aren’t about being “right” or “true.” They’re about asking, “What happens if I act as if this is true?”
They’re like mindset shortcuts that guide how we think, feel, and respond—in life and in training.
One of the presuppositions of NLP is this:

There is no failure, only feedback.

It’s simple. But it’s also powerful.
This idea reframes every “mistake,” every “setback,” and every “it didn’t work” moment as an opportunity to learn, adjust, and grow.
And when we apply that to dog training?
Everything changes.

Going Back to Basics Isn't Going Backwards

So, your dog forgot something they “used to know.”
They didn’t sit when you asked.
They barked at something they’ve seen a hundred times.
They pulled like a freight train on the lead even though you swear you’d cracked that.

Here’s the thing: that’s not failure.
It’s feedback.
It’s your dog saying, “Hey, this is a bit too much right now,”
or “I need a reminder,”
or “I’m in a different emotional state today and my brain’s just not braining.”

This is where the 3 Ds of dog training come in:

Distance – how far away the distraction is
Duration – how long the dog is expected to do the thing
Distraction – what’s going on around them

If any of those things change (and they will), your dog’s ability to perform a behaviour might wobble. That’s not them being difficult, it’s them giving you feedback about what they need in this moment, not what they knew in that one.

But We’re Human… So Why the Double Standard?

Let’s be honest: humans forget things all the time.
You can walk into a room and forget why you’re there.
You can leave your keys in some random place and can’t find them, despite turning the house upside down.
You can forget someone’s name moments after they’ve told you.

So why is it so hard to accept when our dog forgets? Or doesn’t get what you’re asking for? Or have so many other things going off in their brain and body, they can’t apply what they have learnt before?

Why do we hold them to a higher standard than we do ourselves?
That’s a question worth sitting with, maybe for another blog, but it’s a great reminder that your dog is not a robot. They are a living, breathing, thinking, feeling being.
And just like us, they will:

Forget
Get distracted
Have off days
Need refreshers
Grow and change

Which brings us to…

It’s Not “One and Done”

Training isn’t something you do once and tick off a list.
It’s like going to the gym. You don’t lift weights for a week and assume you’ll be strong for life.
You keep going. You adapt as your body changes. You notice what works and what doesn’t.
Same with your dog.

So… how are you showing up?

Are you maintaining the foundations you built?
Are you adapting the training to suit your dog’s age, energy, emotions?
Are you recognising the feedback your dog is giving you?

Or are you quietly expecting them to be perfect all the time and beating yourself up, and berating them, when they’re not?

Why I Love Failing (Yep, Really)

Here’s a little confession: I love failing.
Why?
Because every time something doesn’t go to plan, I get a chance to be creative.
To try something new.
To find a better, easier, more connected way.

Some of the best training breakthroughs I’ve ever had have come right after things didn’t work.
That’s when I got to pause, breathe, and say:
“Okay… what’s the dog telling me here?”
It’s not about forcing a behaviour.
It’s about listening and then responding in a way that builds trust and confidence.

That’s not failing. That’s training. That’s learning.

Are You Open to Feedback?

So, here’s a gentle challenge for you:

When something doesn’t go to plan with your dog, do you see it as feedback or failure?
Are you curious about what your dog is communicating?
Or do you get caught up in what should be happening?

And—maybe more importantly, where do those expectations come from? Because if we believe we have to get it right first time, every time… where did we learn that?
Certainly not from our dogs.
They’re constantly exploring, testing, adjusting.
They learn by trial and error.
They’re okay with getting it wrong before they get it right.
Maybe we could take a leaf out of their book (if they had one, that is).

Have a Dog, Not a Robot.

Let’s say it again for the people at the back:

You have a dog, not a robot.

A dog who will sometimes forget.
A dog who is growing, changing, adapting, just like you.
And that means training is not a straight line.
It’s a wiggly, sniff-filled path of learning and discovery, for both of you.

So next time something goes a bit pear-shaped?
Don’t panic.
Don’t label it a failure.
Pause.
Listen.
Adjust.
Learn.

You might be surprised what you discover, not just about your dog… but about yourself.